Pillow Talks

• EPISODE 205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want

  We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges.  From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:  “Is this it?” “Why don’t I want sex more?”  “How do I even bring this up with my partner?” You’re not alone — and this episode is for you. We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again.  💬 What we’re going deep on: - When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh - Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out - How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings) - What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!) - When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else - How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do 🔥 Resources mentioned in this episode: 💖 Deeper Membership - https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie. 💋 Ultimate Foreplay Guides - https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay  Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you. 🌸 Finishing School - https://vmtherapy.com/finishing-school?ref=podcast&utm_term=podcast Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure. 💦 How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm A gentle, shame-free introduction to learning what feels good — and how to actually enjoy it. 🧠 Sex Drive Types Guide (Free) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type  Are you responsive or spontaneous? This guide will help you understand your own desire type — and why it’s been causing friction in your relationship (spoiler: it’s not your fault). 🛠️ Performance Issues? We’ve got you. If you or your partner are struggling with performance anxiety or feeling pressure to “last longer,” check out these resources: - How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Performance Issues - https://vmtherapy.com/youtube-video/how-to-talk-to-your-male-partner-about-his-performance-issues/ - Ep. 149: Partner Performance Problems? Here's What To Do And What NOT To Do - https://vmtherapy.com/episode149 - Ep. 47: What Penis Performance Problems Really Mean - https://vmtherapy.com/episode47 - What to Do If You Have Performance Anxiety About Your Orgasm - https://vmtherapy.com/vanessa-marin-sex-therapy/what-to-do-if-you-have-performance-anxiety-about-your-orgasm/ 📲 Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list  — Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 💬 Follow us on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes drop **every Thursday**! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder

  If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped. We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear a side of health and intimacy we’ve never talked about before, tune in. This episode might just be a game changer for you. Here’s a peek at what we cover: That awkward moment when you realize… something’s off The role of pelvic floor physical therapy (and who V followed to learn more) Bad habits no one tells you are actually bad The urologist visit from hell (you won’t believe what they said) How Vanessa trained her bladder like a dog (yes, really) Small changes that made a HUGE difference — and why Vanessa finally sleeps through the night Disclaimer: This episode is based on personal experience and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your doctor about your individual health needs. Links & resources in the episode: Expecting and Empowered The Vagina Whisperer 👉 Ready to level up your skills in (and out of) the bedroom? Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide for sex therapist-backed tips that’ll have you saying “oh my GOD… I didn’t know it could be this good?” — or get that AND everything we offer inside Deeper, our super affordable membership packed with steamy tools, date night ideas, live coaching, and more. Think of it as your all-access pass to better sex, connection that lasts, and WAY more fun together! Stay connected: 💌 Get our best tips and resources straight to your inbox: vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📸 Follow us on Instagram: @vanessaandxander 🎧 Never miss an episode — make sure to follow Pillow Talks wherever you listen to podcasts! Thanks to our sponsors: 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  55:58
• EPISODE 203: Is This Cheating? Part 2

  Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch? What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex? A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀 This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?” And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD. Here’s what we’re dishing on in this episode: Is emotional intimacy outside your relationship OK? When fantasies, DMs, or even Reddit lurking crosses the line. Are AI-generated nudes of your partner’s family the point of no return? Why intention and secrecy matter more than the act itself. The emotional toll “nothing happened” takes on a relationship. The difference between curiosity and disrespect when exploring sexually. No matter how you define cheating, one thing’s clear: these kinds of conversations are hard, and they don’t get easier without the right tools. Join the Deeper membership Want hotter sex, deeper convos, and fewer fights? For less than the cost of a date night, get on-demand access to our expert-led courses, live sessions with us, and interactive tools designed to fit into your busy life. Start your journey inside Deeper here. Links & Resources 🔥 The Art Of Initiation  🤖 Meet Vanessa AI (included with Deeper membership)  Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📲 Follow us on Instagram — @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & Review — New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Dipsea. Right now, listeners of this show can get a 30-day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?

  We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you. From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories highlight how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of feeling blamed, getting reactive, and shutting down. But we’re also sharing tips to break out of that cycle — with more compassion, more understanding, and way fewer spirals. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: ✅ What defensiveness actually looks like (and why it shows up so fast) ✅ The difference between explaining yourself and shutting down ✅ Real-life listener stories around parenting, mental load, and misunderstandings ✅ What it really means to validate your partner (without agreeing) ✅ How to talk to your partner without triggering defensiveness ✅Practical ways to pause, reflect, and repair (without spiraling) Links & Resources: Check out DEEPER — our new membership with full access to VanessaAI, monthly date night ideas, live calls with us, and more Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides to level-up your pleasure skills Follow us on Instagram for more relationship tips and convos Want us to cover your story next? Keep an eye on our IG Stories for callouts Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: vmtherapy.com/subscribe ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  54:43
• EPISODE 201: Couples Coaching Session: They Love Each Other… So Why Does Their Sex Life Feel Stuck?

  🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode! Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is. In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life. We break down: 💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitation? ⚖️ Balancing work, kids & intimacy – Why stress kills desire (and what to do about it). 🔄 Breaking out of a relationship rut – Feeling stuck? Here’s how to start making real changes. 🔥 What happens when the woman has the higher sex drive – And how to navigate it without resentment. ✨ How to actually change your sex life – Small, doable steps that make a big difference. If you’ve ever felt like you and your partner keep missing each other when it comes to intimacy — this episode is for you. And stick around until the end because we have a special announcement you won’t want to miss! Links & Resources 💖 Join Deeper – our new relationship membership! Want more expert-backed support for your love life? Get access to our entire library of courses and guides, exclusive monthly live events with us, and Vanessa AI — your personal, on-demand relationship coach. 👉 vmtherapy.com/deeper 🔑 Take The Intimacy Quiz: Your Key To Love That Lasts Not sure where to start? Take our quiz to find out exactly what your relationship needs most right now. 👉 vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates:https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe. 📲 Follow us on Instagram – @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review – New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review—it helps us keep creating content you love. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW) 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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