Pillow Talks

• E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)

  What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The surprising ways phone use impacts intimacy (and resentment) What couples told us about their biggest “phone fights” Our rules for a 7-day tech detox (and how to adapt if you have kids) What happened when we actually followed them How to create healthier phone boundaries — without starting a fight If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling mid-conversation or noticed your partner reaching for their phone after sex, this one’s for you. Because here’s the truth: your relationship with your phone might be hurting your relationship with each other way more than you think. Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)

  This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The difference between boundaries and control especially when it comes to what your partner wears. Why couples fight about tiny habits (like dishes or unpacking) and what those arguments really mean. How to handle when one partner wants more privacy and the other wants full transparency. What your “clean-up style” says about how you handle responsibility in bed and in life. The psychology behind “small stuff” fights and how to stop them from snowballing. Plus, the ultimate showdown on period sex, post-oral kissing, and who should drive. 😏 If you and your partner love to debate, this one’s for you — equal parts funny, spicy, and “oh my god, that’s us.” Go deeper Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys 💞Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Chewy. Send your pet’s wish to and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate 5 meals to pets in need. ➡︎https://Chewy.com/ChewyClaus 👏Thanks HungryRoot. For a limited time, use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. ➡︎http://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)

  Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the simplest way to rekindle connection. What the Bristle Reaction really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again. How to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve your mismatched libido issue). The sneaky reason your sex life might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again. Honorable mentions like the First Pancake Rule, scheduling sex, and other hot takes we might just turn into full episodes soon. 👀 If you’ve ever thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your sex life… start here. Go deeper 💞 Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Intro 04:05 F*ck First Rule 18:42 Bristle Reaction 26:03 We make out every night 32:42 Two Types of Desire 40:15 Emotional Physical Conundrum 50:00 Mushy Broccoli Problem ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off.And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https://blissy.com/pillowpod 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://oneskin.co/HAIR Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition

  This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy. Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not). From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT workout… nothing is off-limits in this one. Some ideas are pure gold, some are questionable at best, and a few? Let’s just say they’re better left in the graveyard of “good intentions.” 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The spookiest sex trends we’ve ever been dared to try Which ones are worth a “smash” and which deserve a hard “pass” Why experimentation keeps things exciting — even if it’s a total fail How to decide what’s a hard pass vs. worth a try Why laughter and curiosity are the sexiest ingredients of all A few ideas that might just become your new Halloween tradition If your sex life could use a little more fun (and a few more giggles), this one’s your invitation to play. 🔥 Ready to learn new moves that actually work? Skip the spooky stuff and get straight to the good stuff inside The Ultimate Sex Guide, our fan-favorite resource that’ll help you feel confident, connected, and completely in control in the bedroom. You’ll get: Expert-backed techniques for better pleasure (solo and together) Real-life tips to improve communication and confidence Step-by-step guides to explore what really turns you on 👉 Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide and unlock your hottest tricks yet! http://vmtherapy.com/ultimate 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Masterclass. Our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership. ➡︎https://masterclass.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)

  We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between. And lately… life has been life-ing. In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple. We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief while still finding moments of joy, and what it looks like to prioritize self-care, connection, and even intimacy when life feels really heavy. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: An honest update on Vanessa’s dad’s health and how our family is handling it The self-care practices helping me stay grounded (and sometimes just get through the day) What’s been helping us stay connected as a couple during stressful times The reality of sex and intimacy when you’re grieving or emotionally exhausted Why joy still matters, even when things are hard If you’re in a tough season too, this one’s for you. You’re not alone. 💛 🔥 Ready to feel more connected, supported, and understood in your relationship? Inside Deeper, our membership for couples, we help you keep growing together — even when life gets complicated. You’ll get access to expert-led guides, monthly live calls, and our favorite prompts and challenges to help you communicate, connect, and feel close again. 👉 Join Deeper today and start building the kind of relationship that can handle anything. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https://blissy.com/pillowpod 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW  at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks SKIMS. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. ➡︎https://www.skims.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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