Adulting with Autism

Sair Kaufman (they/she) is an autistic, non-binary musical theatre writer and performer living in New York City—and the creator behind "The Reality Shaper," a D&D-inspired fantasy musical podcast built for accessibility, community, and queer joy.
In this episode, Sair shares what it was like growing up undiagnosed, being high-masking (especially as an AFAB autistic person), and carrying years of self-blame before getting an official autism diagnosis at 22. We talk about what changed after that: self-forgiveness, accountability without shame, and finally having a framework for why social situations felt like everyone else had a "textbook" they never received.
Sair also breaks down how autism shapes their creative process—especially hyperfocus—including the week they wrote a 63,000-word novel in seven days, which later evolved into an episodic musical podcast that makes theater more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled audiences (and for anyone who can't easily access or afford traditional theater). We get into what "queer joy" means in storytelling, why representation doesn't have to equal trauma, and how to build creative work sustainably with organization tools, boundaries, and realistic expectations.
In this episode, we cover:
Choosing NYC over LA (and why "clear instructions" can be calming)
Late diagnosis, masking, and the "you don't look autistic" problem
Hyperfocus, creativity, and turning a niche idea into a real project
"The Reality Shaper": D&D-inspired high fantasy + queer enemies-to-lovers
Writing non-binary representation with joy (not trauma-as-the-point)
Balancing a day job, executive producing, and nervous system care
Perfectionism, productivity myths, and shipping the thing anyway
Practical advice: how to start when you don't know where to begin
Connect with Sair / The Reality Shaper
Website: therealityshaper.com
Instagram & TikTok: @SairKaufman (S-A-I-R-K-A-U-F-M-A-N)

What does "adulting with autism" look like when you stop performing for everyone else?
In this episode, I'm joined by Lawrence C. Harris—a public speaker who helps teens and young adults build confidence, self-belief, and decision-making skills for school and life after graduation.
Lawrence opens up about growing up with hyperverbal autism, having a nonverbal autistic sibling, and how experiences like bullying and an abusive household shaped the beliefs he had to unlearn. We also get real about work environments that can be brutal on the nervous system—like fast food sensory overload and door-to-door sales masking—and what those experiences taught him about self-worth.
You'll hear practical, low-cost tools you can start using today, including:
how journaling helps when your thoughts are spiraling
what to do when you feel triggered or overwhelmed (movement + regulation)
how to set boundaries without abandoning yourself
the shift from victim → survivor → thriver
why "unmasking" isn't about being rude—it's about being real
If you've ever thought, "I'm exhausted from trying to be acceptable," this conversation will hit home—and leave you with next steps.
Find Lawrence: search "Lawrence C. Harris" on Google (Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn, website).

Today's guest is Carli Fink, a Certified Career Development Practitioner in Canada and the founder of Foreseeable Futures Career Consultancy (Toronto & online). Carli's all about the radical idea that your life can hold many possibilities—no matter your age, identity, or professional background—and she's here to challenge the "one straight path" career story.
In this conversation, we get into what it really looks like to "figure it out" (at 18, 28, 38, 50+—all of it) and why your career is not a one-time decision.
What we cover:
Why "options" aren't the real starting point—self-knowledge is
The truth about regulated vs. non-regulated careers (and why most paths aren't one "right" route)
Why society clings to linear career narratives—security, culture, pressure, and the fear of uncertainty
The post-2020 shift: passion → stability → meaning (and how burnout changes the equation)
How to explore career moves without making everything permanent: prototyping stretch projects at work
upskilling (free/paid learning)
volunteering + personal projects

For autistic folks with uneven strengths: stop chasing job titles—learn to describe your strengths in full sentences, then map where they fit
How to normalize "nonlinear" paths: data, stories, and visibility of real pivots
A practical "stuck" question you can ask yourself today: What's my #1 priority driving this decision?
How to know if you're on the right path: internal signals (energy, values, impact) + external signals (traction)
How long to give a new job before deciding it's not for you: ~6 months to 1 year (depending on the role)
Where to find Carli:
Foreseeable Futures Career Consultancy (Toronto & online): foreseeablefutures.ca
LinkedIn: Carli Fink, CCDP
#AutismAcceptanceMonth #OccupationalTherapyMonth #AdultingWithAutism #CareerCounselling #NeurodivergentCareers #AutisticAdults #CollegeStudents #NonLinearCareer #PortfolioCareer #CareerDevelopment #CareerExploration #UniversalDesign #WorkplaceWellbeing #BurnoutRecovery#Podmatch

Grief is not just about death—and that misunderstanding keeps a lot of people stuck, ashamed, and confused about what they're feeling.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Kathryn "Katie" Brzozowski, a clinical social worker (DSW) and owner of a group private practice, breaks down what grief can look like in everyday life—especially for neurodivergent people and overwhelmed caregivers. Katie draws from years of medical social work experience (including oncology) to explain how any loss can create grief: a job, a relationship, health changes, even losing hair or a body part.
We also talk about the hidden toll of caregiving—why it's emotionally and physically draining, how depletion builds over time, and why "self-care" isn't a luxury when you're responsible for someone else's needs.
Katie brings in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to reframe resilience in a realistic way: life is going to keep "life-ing," and a full life includes the full range of emotions—not constant happiness. Instead of getting trapped in "Why did this happen to me?" forever, she encourages a shift toward the how: how you want to live now, what you value, and what support you need next.
This conversation is especially for listeners who feel exhausted, overloaded, stuck in rumination, or afraid to ask for help because they feel like a burden.
In this episode, we cover:
Why our culture is uncomfortable with grief—and why that makes loss lonelier
Grief beyond death: job loss, divorce, health changes, body changes, identity shifts
Sneaky signs of grief people don't expect: forgetfulness / feeling "untethered"
rumination, catastrophizing, "life will never be good again" thoughts

The emotional + physical drain of caregiving (and why depletion makes everything harder)
The psychological load of invisible health challenges (and the pressure to "prove" you're struggling)
Resilience through ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy): happiness isn't the goal 24/7
values-based living even with difficult emotions

What helps when your mind and body are both exhausted: prioritizing
asking/accepting help without shame
noticing how your thoughts about self-care can ruin or restore it

Overthinking + over-functioning + pushing emotions down: why it "works" short-term but costs long-term
Transitions (small and big) and why they activate anxiety—especially with autism/ADHD
Moving from "Why did this happen?" to "How do I move forward?"
A grounded reminder: things change—a lot, and more often than you can predict
Normal stress vs overload: when it's time to talk to someone
"Feeling like a burden": the key difference between being told you're a burden vs assuming you are
why feelings aren't always facts

What compassionate support looks like for autistic adults: support shaped by the person's needs—not control
Find Katie / Speakeasy Counseling:
Website: speakeasycounselingandpsychotherapy.com or speakeasytoday.com
TikTok: Speakeasy Counseling
YouTube: Speakeasy Counseling
Podcast: Long Story Longer (with a psychiatric nurse practitioner)
Location: New Jersey (in-office + online options mentioned)

Self-love isn't manicures, martinis, or "treat yourself" energy. And it's not a vibe. It's a practice.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Lulu Essey—speaker, mindset advisor, and executive creative director—breaks down what self-love actually means in real life: the refusal to abandon yourself. Lulu shares from lived experience, not theory: she's navigated severe bipolar disorder for over 30 years while building a high-level career, and she's still working with it daily.
We talk about why so many neurodivergent young adults second-guess themselves after spending years in environments that weren't built for them—and how rebuilding self-trust doesn't happen through a 30-day reset. Lulu teaches a nervous-system-friendly approach: micro moments of safety that compound over time, creating real emotional resilience without relying on performative confidence.
Lulu also shares her experience exploring ketamine treatment after medication changes stopped holding her through a severe downturn—and why self-advocacy is a core part of self-love. She's clear about doing this responsibly: work with your care team, don't make medication changes unsupervised, and research options while keeping your agency.
This is a grounded conversation about finding peace, building stability, and learning how to stay on your own team—even when life is throwing everything at you.
In this episode, we cover:
A real definition of self-love: "returning to self" and refusing to abandon yourself
Self-trust: quiet, grounded knowing—even when others disagree
Why "quick transformation" culture backfires (and what sustainable change looks like instead)
Signs of chronic dysregulation: racing mind, inability to settle, poor sleep, irritability, anxiety, appetite shifts
The micro-moments of safety reset: hand on heart
3 slow breaths (longer exhale than inhale)
feel feet on the ground
orient to the room (name what you can see/smell/touch)

The difference between intuition vs. fear (threat alarm vs. calm grounded clarity)
Performing confidence vs. real confidence (feedback stings—but doesn't collapse your self-worth)
"Regulate your nervous system" as a buzzword—Lulu's reframe: find calm, peace, stability
Small predictable anchors during big change: consistent wake time, making your bed, repeatable routines
The "space between": why change can feel worse before it feels better (unfamiliar ≠ dangerous)
Lulu's ketamine path: years of meds + ECT experience (and memory impact)
researching ketamine for treatment-resistant depression
advocating for herself when things escalated

Bridging science + intuition (and Western + Eastern approaches) through mindfulness and intentional practice
A simple way to "join your own team" this week: replace harsh self-talk with a slightly kinder thought
Find Lulu Essey:
Podcast: The Lulu Essey Podcast
YouTube: Lulu Essey
Instagram + TikTok: Lulu Essey
Website: luluessy.com (as stated)