Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: Hello, thank you sincerely for your podcast and the work you do. It has helped me feel less alone and allowed me to better navigate foster parenting and adopting from foster care. My husband and I have two amazing boys; they have the same bio mom, and two older siblings each in a different family. Our youngest is 5. We met when he was 3 months. Our oldest is 8. We met when he was 3. He was removed at birth, then placed with his bio mom at 2 months, removed at 8 months, moved to a new foster family at 10 months, and placed with his legal father at 2.5. His bio mom took him illegally after a few months (with the legal father's consent). When he and his baby brother were removed and placed with us, he was sad and scared. We formally adopted our boys three years ago. He has grown into a beautiful, highly intelligent, and athletic boy. However, he has never accepted me as his mother. He refuses affection, pulls away, and looks at me with what I perceive as disgust. We are close with his bio family (siblings and mom), and he is regularly upset that he can't live with his bio mom. Sometimes he blames me. I try to explain, but he shuts me out. His siblings are not with their bio mom either. I keep trying to build a connection, but after 5 years, I am losing hope. It is very easy and natural with my youngest. When we are affectionate, I am afraid my older son will feel left out, but he pushes me away and often won't even let me be near him. When we have special time (just the 2 of us), I plan activities with him that he likes and is excited for, but he often complains and is unhappy during his time with me. He does not remember his life before we met very well, but will recollect things we did and say it was his bio mom. His professional evaluations report that he is well adjusted, but my husband and I have concerns. I know this may be normal, but I desperately want to connect with him. The constant rejection is painful. Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated.Resources:Why Foster Kids Create Fantasy FamiliesAttachment-Informed Tools for Working with Kids6 Tips for Creating Attachment8 Ways to Strengthen Attachment with Your ChildNavigating Challenging Behaviors: Practical Strategies for Parents (Free E-Guide)Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Join us to learn about family rituals—how to create and why they can help build strong families. Our guest will be Elizabeth Barbour, the author of a new book, Sacred Celebrations: Designing Rituals to Navigate Life’s Milestone Transitions. She’s also a reunited adoptee and an adoptive mom.In this episode, we discuss:Why are rituals important for families? Define the culture of family-this is who we areThis is what we doWhat’s the difference between rituals and routines?What’s the difference between rituals and habits?Examples of family rituals. Family meetings, kid/parent dates, game nightsgratitude practicesprayer and meditationfamily altarstravelvolunteering togetherWhen families are created through adoption, any specific rituals that can help them?TipsKeep it simpleGet input from all members of the familyConsistencySupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: We have been matched with an expectant mom due in a couple of months. She is having twins. As we are preparing for the next steps, sleep training has come up frequently in newborn care books. What research is there on the cry-it-out method or other popular sleep training methods in relation to adopted children? We want to make sure they know their needs will be met and build a strong adoption bond, but we also want to eventually work towards them being able to sleep through the night.Resources:Did Denmark Actually Ban "Cry it Out?"Video: The Attachment Cycle - Empowered to ConnectSleep Issues with Adopted, Foster, or Relative ChildrenBalancing Attachment with Getting SleepSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you looking for practical ways to build your child's resilience and sense of safety, and to strengthen your family's connectedness? Listen to this conversation with Ginger Healy, MSW, LCSW, director of programs for the Attachment & Trauma Network and host of the podcast “Regulated and Relational.” Ginger speaks across the nation on trauma-informed schools, therapeutic parenting, and community engagement.In this episode, we discuss:What made you decide to write a book for educators?What were you observing about children’s needs around emotional language, self-regulation, and connection?Knowing that at home we often deal with a different rhythm, different dynamics (for example, one caregiver rather than teacher + many students), what initial advice do you have for parents and caregivers to translate this book’s classroom tools into a home context? Why is it essential that children learn social/emotional language — not just “feelings words” but the capacity to talk about self, other, relationships, safety?How does having more social/emotional language help a child feel “seen, safe, valued” in a family environment?What are the risks when children don’t have that language or opportunity to practice it?We often hear culture around us say, “Kids are resilient.” Why is that a misconception, especially in our community of adopted, foster, or relative children?Why does a child who has experienced trauma need specific, intentional scaffolding to develop their social/emotional language and build their capacity for emotional strength?What are the themes of the workbook that parents or caregivers can bring into their everyday conversations at home?Understanding my story within my family structureReframing my narrative: navigating family challenges and conflictBuilding confidence, hope, and a positive futureCan you suggest a few strategies to get families started with the conversations?What if we are struggling with or lacking these skills ourselves? How do we learn them so we can teach and model them?What practical strategies can we use to integrate these skills into our daily rhythms?How do we know our kids are ready for adjustments in how we practice these skills, or to “level up”?How will they know if these strategies are effective? Do you have practical tips for families that want to strengthen their family dynamics but already feel overwhelmed by the long list of To-Dos? Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I would love to hear about family profiles for adopting older teens. Resources:Adopting a Child of a Different Race or CultureAdopting Older KidsEvaluating Risk Factors in Foster Care AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building