Beat Your Genes Podcast

Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle,  I am curious what your thoughts are on Acceptance and Commitment therapy? I am a psychologist, and I have to use this method at my job, and I have noticed that some of the points of the treatment is a bit similar to your method. For example the focus on committing to value-driven behavior to give purpose in life is similar to the behavior that brings us closer to our survival and reproductive goals. However it seems like the method see negative thoughts and feelings as something we should just accept as part of life, and not something that should guide our behavior in any way, and instead it says that it should be our values that guide our behavior. It feels like they got it right with the committed action, but it feels like a mistake to dismiss our thoughts and feelings like that. What do you think about this?
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
2:09 Iran bombs Dubai while Dr. Lisle is there
18:50 Psychologist asking about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy
27:00 Your values are innate including religious beliefs
46:45 Limits to facing the facts of reality
1:00:48 Psychotherapy basic principles are like friendships
1:13:14. The future of psychotherapy
1:16:03 Final thoughts
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
2:10 A little bit about Bitcoin
2:40 Q1: He wants sex, she wants connection
10:45 Females are defensive until they see love cues
22:25 Suspected key issue
29:15 Could it be a phone addiction?
32:50 Q2: Are people doing romance backwards?
42:15 Can I be happy without a partner?
52:16 Final thoughts
Q1: My husband and I have been fighting about the same issues our entire marriage (18 years).  He complains that I don't have sex with him enough or that when we do have sex I'm not into it (which I'm not).  I don't want to have sex with him because I don't feel close to him at all.  He works long hours at a stressful job.  It is not uncommon for us to barely speak on workdays.  He comes home stressed and tired so he spends the evening staring at his phone or watching TV.  I have tried to explain that it is important to me that we talk or at least spend a little bit of time together every day, but he doesn't change.  The only time he shows any interest in me is when he wants to have sex.  I feel like we are stuck in a terrible loop, but I don't know how to get out of it.
Q2: Many of the experienced and wise people that I know, say 50 and older AND wise, have realized that they DON'T have to be in a romantic relationship in order to be happy.  In general, have people overestimated the need to be in a romantic relationship?  Should our own individual happiness and self-reliance come FIRST as a required prerequisite in order to be truly ready for a romantic relationship?  Are some people "doing it backwards" by demanding romance from the world, when they could have instead been happy for decades FIRST...when the RIGHT romance then happens to maybe arrive (partially because they themselves are now so attractive to others due to being so happy and self-reliant)?
 
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.
Dear Dr. Lisle, This question is about coming to terms with aging. I know that being "young" is somewhat a relative term, but I'm a woman turning 35 this year and I can't stop worrying about my aging face and the beauty I'm losing and will continue to lose. I've always been a little ocd about my looks, but I feel that this relatively new problem is an insurmountable one. For me, a huge part of feeling good is knowing I look good. And knowing that eventually one day I won't look good is eating away at me. I'm constantly wondering, am I still attractive? How many years do I have left? Then I look at pictures of myself from the past and shake my head because I could have been enjoying myself instead of worrying. I really was attractive. I kind of missed out on those years because of these incessant doubts and fears. I have not yet done any invasive medical procedures like botox but am wondering if I should, since everyone else seems to be doing it. However, I'm also worried about the risks they carry. What I'd really like is to not to be bothered by my aging face, I'm hoping one day I just won't care, but my mother is in her 60s and still gets procedures done. I'm thinking my obsessions will get worse as I get older. Please help!
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
0:45 A little bit about Bitcoin
3:45 Listener is Coming to Terms with her Aging
12:25 Personality traits are on a Bell curve
22:20 Aging anxiety is normal and common
40:10 An interesting experiment
47:30 Final thoughts
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast
 
Psychologist mentioned in the show:
Laura Bruce, Ph.D.
www.PhillyOCD.com

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
01:20 Q1: Single mom asks for advice on dealing with her out of control son
13:30 Cognitive dissonance in a mom
20:55 Personality does not deteriorate
35:35 Gloat Therapy
46:00 Limitations of Positive/Negative Reinforcement
57:45 Final thoughts
Q1: What is your advice to a single mom of a 15 year old teen male that is out of control and no consequences are changing his behavior? He says he hates his mother, wants to go to foster care, has a lot of anger. His father is not in the picture and has not been for 10+ years. He is refusing to go to school, repeatedly running away, is definitely vaping and using marijuana, uncertain about harder drugs, his speech is odd, using slang and talking in a way he has never spoken before. He has been arrested and is pending a hearing however any suggestions as to the best way to handle this?  I fear once in the juvenile justice system he will become even more hardened.  Are there any approaches that can increase the odds of helping him out of this?  To add, until recently I haven't done the best job of consistently following through on consequences when he is disrespectful to me, doesn't do school work, or acts out of control.   Is he just pushing back harder now because I've never stuck to my guns before?
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
02:07 The Year of Dr. Lisle's Book
3:13 New Personality Trait? Tendency for Victimhood
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134
30:30 Disagreeable with a few moving parts
41:28 Q1: Past traumatic relationship – how to start dating again?
1:05:20 Final thoughts
Q1: How do I regain my self confidence after narcissistic abuse? I had an extremely emotionally abusive partner who would constantly call me fat even though I wasn't (I was 5'4 120 pounds). He would force me to weigh myself before every time we had sex and if I was above a certain weight, he would insult me and refuse sex. I developed an eating disorder because of this and got down to 90 pounds. Even when I was pregnant with our baby, he constantly called me a disgusting fat cow even though it was his child I was carrying. Now that I'm free of him I have regained some weight, and am a healthier 110 pounds. The problem is, I'm so traumatized by men and relationships that I am afraid to date. My confidence is lower than it ever was, even though, ironically I used to model when I was younger and have always been told I was beautiful, he ruined that. I'm 40 years old and I don't want to be single forever. What should I do?
 
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast