Movie Virgins

Man, that Jesse’s a dick. But he does, indeed, have the ingredients. Here we speak on the legendary legend and cold reality of Jesse James. We’ve got strong feels that casting Brad Pitt (MO boy) as Jesse James (MO boy) was a good move. And we’re loving Casey Affleck as Bob Ford. Furthermore, let us not overlook Casey’s beautiful glass skin, my brothers and sisters. HIS SKIN. We hit on a few burning questions: Do they even make outlaws like they used to? Do you brush your teeth nekkid? A blumpkin in the privy?! Tangents include fun Hollywood couples, Chris Rock’s orgasms, and vabbing. And…Snaturals(TM) are born!

All hail our favorite scream queen, Justin Long! We watched Zach Cregger’s Barbarian, and it’s a damn delight. We dive directly into the continuum of depravity, with detours through Nazi atrocities and Kevin Smith’s Tusk. We talk STL vs Detroit via their Wikipedias. We offer some potentially incredible double-feature pairings with Barbarian & Love in the Villa and Schindler’s List & Tusk. And we say unto ye: Man cannot live by titty milk alone.

Today we have for you Disney’s latest IP regurge served with a generous helping of the tasty original-recipe masterpiece, 1993’s Hocus Pocus. Make sure to pour one out for the days when witches were inhuman bitches without sloppily crafted backstories. And for dessert, try one of our delicious candy apples from Sandy’s Candy Cauldron! After-dinner cigars and brandy come with a complimentary history of apple bobbing. Enjoy!

Harrison Ford vs Tommy Lee Jones vs Big Pharma! This iconic 90s action movie is so 90s with lots of 90s stuff (*cough* Sela Ward *cough*) happening. That said, is it just your basic white male fantasy about a husband who may or may not have killed his wife a la The Staircase? Tangents include Miles Teller, the truth about hair dye, the probability that Lindsey’s dad fucked an alien (SPOILER ALERT: incredibly high odds), and what Tommy Lee must look like under those clothes.

Listen as Lindsey recalls her first encounter with the Predator at the tender age of six. Leah speaks of her experience with AVP, the union of two great franchises. We discuss the Predator as allegory for white man’s manifest destiny and the rape of the natural world. And we ask: What are the rules of the Predator? Does the Predator fuck? (It definitely fucks.) Tangents include sexy aliens vs realistic aliens and our great expectations for sci-fi series and film. Full disclosure: We have worked with the Predator. Great dude. Struggles with the typing.