Horror Movie Talk

Synopsis This film is another installment in the Creepshow universe, showcasing an anthology of spooky short films based on Stephen King stories. Review of Creepshow 2 I have to admit that I have not seen the first Creepshow, or understand what any of this is supposed to be about, but I am greatly assuming that the first movie is a lot better than this garbage. It seems as though in the first movie they found the best and spookiest Stephen King tales to put to screen, and then for this one they really phoned it in for the cash grab? There are three tales, which thank god there are only three. We’ll get into the contents of each tale in spoilers, but the way that this movie starts off with the most boring and pointless and downright racist story baffles me. Don’t you wanna hook your viewers? Don’t you want to keep butts in seats? Because that story would have made me walk out of the theater, if not for its content, then for its horrible acting. I wish I could say this was even fun to watch how bad it was, but it wasn’t. I slightly enjoyed the last story more than the first two but slightly is the operative word here. The in-between sections with the creep and the kid work well, I like how it switched from real life to animated, and I was a lot more invested in that kid’s story than I was with any of the anthology. It was a great idea to add that animation, and it got me excited for the film. I was let down greatly. The fact that this is a Stephen King and George Romero collaboration is shocking. They can, and have, done better. Score 3/10

Synopsis After the events of FNAF 1, Mike and his not girlfriend Vanessa struggle to move on. Mike, taking a parental role over his sister Abby, constantly worries about her connection to undead animatronics, and Vanessa continues to be plagued by nightmares of her father, William Afton. When dark forces begin to beckon Abby to the original Freddy Fazbear’s location, Mike must confront Vannessa, who is still holding onto secrets from the past.  Review of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 is almost indistinguishable from the first film in my eyes. Yes, I know the stories are technically different, but the viewing experience is the same. The movie is packed full of winks and nods specifically designed to make a fan of the Five Nights at Freddy’s game say, “Hey, I know what that is!” However, to the average person with limited FNAF lore, it doesn’t quite hit the same. When my theater erupted into applause as some YouTuber made a cameo, I was left wondering, “Who the hell is that guy?” The acting feels like both Josh Hutcherson and Elizabeth Lail just couldn’t fully get into their characters, which is a shame because I think they both do a great job in other films. The one person really bringing their A game is Matthew Lillard, who seems to have never phoned in a performance in his life. And if you’re a fan of Scream, technically, we got both the original killers in this movie. FNAF is a movie made for kids who already like FNAF. For adults who are not nostalgic for the games, there is not much to get out of these movies. Score 3/10

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Today we review The Blob! No not my midsection, the movie from the 80’s! Synopsis A mysterious space object falls to earth in the sleepy mountain town of Arborville, CA. When a dirty hobo, I’m sorry, unwashed unhoused individual, stumbles upon the resulting crater, he is attacked by a formless gelatinous substance. When the town’s cliché love triangle finds him, the Football player, cheerleader, and motorcycle bad boy take the filthy degenerate, sorry cleanliness-divergent individual experiencing homelessness, to the hospital. There the gelatinous substance quickly consumes several townspeople and becomes, you guessed it, THE GLOB! Review of The Blob (1988) The Blob is one of those movies that I watch and truly don’t understand why it’s not lauded more. With a disrespectful 69% on rotten tomatoes, people may not realize that this is a well crafted monster tale that rivals The Thing and Tremors. Director Chuck Russell and the young Frank Darabond, who had just come off a successful collaboration A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, show their skill here. The plot features an impressive number of satisfying setups and payoff throughout. There is an excellent mixture of action, horror, and humor throughout that should satisfy fans of any of those genres. The most impressive feature of the film is the practical effects that convincingly portray a formless blob as a real menace. Where the original 50s blob looked like strawberry jelly mashed through miniatures and settling in stationary positions, this 80s incarnation whips out tentacles, surrounds, and digests people with alarming speed. The intention of Russel and Darabond was to portray the blob as an inside out stomach, consuming all it touches, and they convincingly created it through a variety of stop motion, puppetry, and miniature work. It’s a corny monster premise, somehow made actually terrifying by showing, not telling what the monster can do. It’s not deep, but it’s a lot of fun. Score 10/10

Synopsis Justine is a young college student with a big heart. After learning about the horrors of female genital mutilation in foreign countries, she becomes interested in joining a local group of activists. While working with the group to stop deforestation in the Amazon, their airplane crash-lands deep in the forest. Which would be bad enough on its own. However, this forest just so happens to be home to cannibalistic natives who quickly capture the very people who came to protect them. Review of The Green Inferno The Green Inferno is a shocking and disgusting movie. As an homage to Cannibal Holocaust, Eli Roth makes sure to stuff The Green Inferno with plenty of over-the-top kills filled to the brim with blood, guts, and eyeballs. While the first viewing of this movie left me feeling depressed and hollow, years later, on my third watch, some of the horror magic has become somewhat juvenile and silly to me. It’s still enjoyable to watch, but I can’t help but roll my eyes a bit at the way the tribe is depicted as the most evil, bloodthirsty killers imaginable. Such a portrayal might even spark questions as to whether it’s even okay to depict tribal natives as savages in such a crude way; however, learning more about how this movie was filmed kind of brings everything back around to being wholesome fun for me. The cannibals in this movie are played by an actual tribe in the Amazon who apparently had a blast making it. At the end of the day, this is a gross movie that can be scary at times, but is often just a little goofy. Score 6/10