In today’s episode, we cover self-esteem with Dr. Steven Hayes. Steven Hayes is an American clinical psychologist and Nevada Foundation Professor at the University of Nevada, Reno Department of Psychology, where he is a faculty member in their Ph.D. program in behavior analysis, and the author nearly 670 scientific articles and 47 books including the best selling Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. The last couple of generations grew up in a world that focused on high self-esteem, but what exactly is self-esteem, why was it catastrophically wrong to focus on it, and what should you strive for when raising kids?What to Listen ForIntroduction – 0:00What is self-esteem?Why is it dangerous to artificially inflate self-esteem?What is that critical voice you hear and how does it affect your self-esteem?What is confidence – 18:30Why are many people who appear confident not?How does social media make it difficult for you to be self compassionate and stay true to yourself?Stop focusing on self-esteem – 30:20 Why is it catastrophic to focus on teaching kids to have a high self esteem?What can you do to develop your self-compassion to boost your confidence?Friends, values, and life fulfillment – 49:42 Why are values important and how do your friends influence your values for better or worse?Is too much self-compassion a bad thing?We’ve seen that it can be dangerous to artificially inflate self-esteem and that it is much more important to focus on teaching kids how to have a healthy self-compassion. When we develop our self-compassion, we become better equipped to stay true to ourselves, even when faced with difficult situations or negative feedback from others. With values clarification and by choosing friends who share our positive values, we can work together to encourage each other in living out our best selves. A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!Resources from this EpisodeGet Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.Is Self Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.Alex Banayan EpisodeSelf-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample by Sarah MarshallSteven Hayes TED TalkCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTubeThe Art of Charm on TikTok

In today’s episode, we cover becoming unstoppable with Michael Herold. We all have the potential to achieve unstoppable confidence, but what are the 3 obstacles that stand in your way, what can you do to overcome them, and how do you identify your core values so you can find every day fulfilling?What to Listen ForIntroduction – 0:00What are the 3 obstacles you need to overcome to have unlimited confidence? What can you do to separate yourself from your thoughts so they don’t get in the way of achieving your goals and dreams?What question can you ask yourself to instantly quiet your thoughts?Overcome negative emotions to achieve unstoppable confidence – 18:27How do you overcome discomfort so you can get the most out of life?Why do we need to redefine happiness and what should the new definition be so we can pursue a more fulfilling existence?Find your core values –29:00 What are core values and why are they important for you to find for yourself if you want to live a rich and meaningful life?Why are goals overrated compared to living a life inline with your core values?What four ways can you use to identify your core values?There is a lot you can do to separate yourself from your thoughts and achieve your goals. You need to find what works for you, but some helpful tips are: be mindful of your thoughts, practice meditation or mindfulness, and write out your thoughts and goals regularly. Discomfort is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to stop you from achieving great things. In fact, it’s often through discomfort that we learn and grow the most. Core values are important because they provide a guide for how you want to live your life. They help us make decisions when we’re faced with difficult choices and help us stay on track when things get tough. Identifying your core values is an important step in finding meaning in life. A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!Resources from this EpisodeThe Art of Charm Instant Connection KitCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTubeThe Art of Charm on TikTok

In today’s episode, we cover the pursuit meaning and fulfillment with Yael Schonbrun. Yael is a clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock, and the author of Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like Too Much). The pursuit of meaning has taken a back seat in the last few decades and we’re paying the price, so what can you do to introduce more meaning into your life, how should you balance meaningful and pleasurable pursuits, and how can you you strengthen the relationships that already give you meaning?What to Listen ForIntroduction – 0:00Is it more fulfilling to be great at one role in life or divide your time between multiple roles?How should you balance the pursuits of meaning, pleasure, and purpose?Prioritizing the different roles in your life – 16:16How do you determine which roles you should prioritize in your life when you have to take other people in your life into consideration?What should you do to preface regular one-on-one check-in conversations with your significant other and kids to strengthen the important relationships in your life?Strategies to Create Space for Strengthening Relationships – 29:40 What strategies can you implement on a weekly basis to make sure the relationships you care about don’t fall apart? Adding for improvement vs subtraction for simplicity – 46:54Should we prioritize adding things to our lives or subtracting things from our lives if we want to be happier and more fulfilled?It can be difficult to determine how to balance the different pursuits of meaning, pleasure, and purpose in our lives. We often have a lot of competing demands on our time and energy. But if we want to live happier and more fulfilling lives, it’s important that we take the time to figure out what’s most important to us and then put in the effort to make sure those things stay a priority. There is no one perfect answer for everyone – each individual will need to find what works best for them. A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!Resources from this EpisodeWork, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like Too Much)Dr. Yael Schonbrun | Dos and Don’ts of Modern DatingDr. Yael Schonbrun on TwitterKaty Milkman | Eliminate Unhealthy Habits Today with 3 Scientifically Proven StrategiesCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTubeThe Art of Charm on TikTok

In today’s episode, we cover talking to strangers with AJ and Johnny. You never know what friend, business partner, or love interest you’ll meet by striking up a conversation with strangers in your daily life, but how do you create engaging conversations with anyone, what two things do you need for great conversations, and how do you make an unforgettable first impression?What to Listen ForIntroduction – 0:00How is technology harming our ability to hold conversations and how do we overcome it?Why is it important to your health and social life to make small talk with strangers?Simple Techniques for Talking to Strangers – 23:16What tips can you use to have fun conversations with strangers?How do you know what to talk about with strangers?How do you give a compliment to a stranger?The Art of Charm Conversation Formula – 37:05What is the formula for great conversations?How do you have a good conversation with anyone?What are the two things you need to have great conversations?Why is vulnerability important in conversations and how can you be vulnerable without being too vulnerable?Small talk is important because it helps us to get to know other people, learn about new things, and build relationships. It can also help you feel more connected and socialize when you may be feeling lonely or isolated. To know what to talk about with strangers, think about the setting you’re in and try to find a common ground or interest that you share. The formula for great conversations is simple: ask open-ended questions, listen attentively, and then share something personal about yourself. Having a good conversation with anyone is all about being vulnerable and letting your guard down a little bit. Don’t be afraid to share some of your own experiences or feelings, as long as you do so in a way that isn’t overwhelming or off-putting. A Word From Our SponsorsAthletic GreensRight now, it’s time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition! It’s just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That’s it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health. To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit https://athleticgreens.com/artofcharm. Again, that is athleticgreens.com/artofcharm to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!Join Our Private Facebook GroupDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Conversation MagicRunning out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!Resources from this EpisodeThe Secret to More Engaging Small TalkToolbox | 3 Steps to Break Out of Small Talk and Instantly Build RapportCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube

In today’s episode, we cover masculinity with Richard Reeves. Richard is a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, where he directs the Future of the Middle Class Initiative and co-directs the Center on Children and Families, and is the author of several books including his latest, Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It.Western culture is experiencing a masculinity crisis, so what does mature masculinity look like in today’s society, what defines toxic masculinity vs mature masculinity, and how do we start instilling masculinity in our boys?What to Listen ForIntroduction – 0:00What are the trends in education and how are they impacting the genders?Why is there a lack of male teachers?The Crisis of Fatherhood – 24:07What role should fathers play moving forward?What does mature masculinity look like in modern society and how do we instill it in our children?Toxic Masculinity – 38:15 What is the difference between mature masculinity and toxic masculinity?What role do rites of passage play in the transition from boyhood to manhood and what consequences do we face as a culture without them?Where do we start if we want to revitalize the masculinity in our society? The Gender Pay Gap is a Parenting Gap – 59:07What is the reason for the gender pay gap?Masculinity is not a dirty word. It’s time to reclaim it and redefine it for the modern world. We can start by teaching our children what mature masculinity looks like, modeling healthy behavior ourselves, and creating spaces where men can gather to discuss these issues. Together we can shift the paradigm of toxic masculinity and work towards a more inclusive society that celebrates all forms of masculinity.A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!Resources from this EpisodeRichard Reeves websiteOf Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It by Richard ReevesCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube